No idea on this one. Just a Freudian vomiting of thoughts that I hope become coherent in the end.
Thought is an interesting thing. Why do I think? A few neurons got together and talked across a synapse I suppose. I don’t really know. I guess I think because that is what I’ve been doing since before I was aware that I was (or am; don’t worry about the tense).
I suppose that I reason. The word, to me, meaning that I actually take time to consider (at least for a short time) positions, expressed thoughts, ideas. I reason about the world around me and try to find the cause and the purpose. I reason about why that guy there in traffic just made that ungentlemanly hand gesture when I was doing nothing but contemplating the universe (albeit while I should have been walking faster across the street).
I reason about why that butterfly fluttering prettily toward a new flower was cruelly chosen to end up a splotch of yellow on that guys windshield.
More succinctly: What is the world and why am I in it? Why do we treat each other as we do? What is death, a finality, or is there something beyond?
All these things I reason. It is an exercise, but it seems one of futility. MY reasoning (?) ends in conjecture, or supposition, but never in knowing, never in a concrete answer.
So, I hear about faith. It seems like something false to me. How can faith and reason be compatible? There’s no way. Faith is the country cousin of reason. It is the last resort of the person who has given up. Faith and reason have no part together. Or, do they?
Maybe, and this is just another point of reason, faith is not the cousin. Maybe faith is the gently leading Father. Say it this way, maybe (because I have no idea why things are, were, or are going to) there is something else that knows the answers. Maybe there is Someone else.
Just because I can’t reason it , doesn’t mean that it isn’t so. Just because there is no seemingly rational proof, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Maybe, faith is the reason I come to when all my pitiful reason is exhausted. Maybe faith is the true reason.
If I give in to this new thought, I find myself saying:
“O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death?”
I become wretched because I realize that I was trying to put reason ahead of Reason. I am trying to be reason rather than subject to Reason.
Maybe through my fallible reason I have offended Reason. Because Reason put it in me to know. There is no other way that it could be so. I ask questions because I am seeking reason, actually Reason. And the reason I am seeking Reason is because Reason put it in me to seek Reason. It is all highly unreasonable.
That’s faith I suppose. Taking Reason at face value and letting it be. Not understanding what is, what was, what will be; nor understanding why the seed yields a plant, a mother and father yield a baby, or that there is something beyond death. I allow myself to wonder, but not to grieve over what I don’t know. There will be mysteries, but what should I care.
Reason is greater than I am and is in control of it all. Why should I worry, or worry about Reason. I think I’ll just have faith. Thank God He allows me to.